Just like dating in the real world with girls from your own culture or a different one, Chinese online dating is, more often than not, a hit-and-miss process.  The internet may be a very advanced form of communication technology, but even with the various internet communication tools a foreign man has at his disposal (messaging tools, video chatting programs, emails), online dating also limits his ability to forge better connections with another person, especially when the bridge must span half of the world and break through cultural barriers.  And just like real-world dating, a man must develop a technique that will allow him to attract and/or find potential partners, establish effective communication, AND maintain the connection long enough to determine if it is worth exploring further.

According to Albert Einstein, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  If one has been around the Chinese online dating scene for a while now with nothing much to show for all the time and effort you have been putting in, don’t lose hope; it is very likely that you simply need to re-evaluate your strategy.  It’s a simple process of deduction: if what you’ve been doing has not been giving you the results you want, you may want to consider the possibility that the world is not conspiring against you and that the fault lies in your actions, reactions, expectations, and/or mindset.

You may want to review your profile on the Chinese dating site you have joined.  Compare it to the profiles of other men, especially those who have a lot of activity (if it is possible to see this).  Perhaps you should use a different photo where you exude more confidence; maybe you could add more interesting information about yourself, or it’s also possible that you may want to tone it down.  Think back on those instances when a few ladies seemed very interested about some bit of information you shared (whether in the real or virtual world); you could use these details to make your profile more appealing.  You could even add a Chinese phrase that applies to you; just make sure you don’t mislead women into thinking that you have a high level of understanding of the Chinese language.

How are you reaching out to women?  If your usual “Hello” message has not gotten you a lot of responses, or none at all, you should improve on it.  Does it sound too generic/formulaic?  Maybe you’re coming off as too arrogant?  Your very first message to any China lady should be respectful, honest, and have a personal touch to it; she must feel that you wrote it especially for her.  It would help a lot if you actually took the time to read her profile so you can show a particular interest about a detail she shared.

Think about the instance(s) when a China lady, or ladies, responded to your first attempt at contact but eventually lost interest.  Of course, if they were honest about why they did not want to pursue the communication any further, then you could use that information to improve on your technique the next time.  If, however, they just suddenly stopped responding to you or gave you vague excuses about why they haven’t been responding (and if this has been a common occurrence), you should evaluate how effectively you’re communicating.  The language barrier already makes communication difficult; don’t forget that, even though you’re not talking to them face to face, your attitude and character will still show in your words and how you talk to them.  Make sure that the China lady you’re talking to knows that you’re very interested about her by asking more about herself, such as her interests, dreams, even her day.  Just be careful not to come off as being a creep.  Be curious, but always treat her with respect and kindness.  At the same time, when you talk about yourself, always be honest and don’t be afraid to show your sensitive side, just not so much that you’ll sound too needy.

Try to figure out what mistakes you may have made from your failed attempts, learn from them, and use the lessons to improve your technique and, perhaps, to also make yourself a better and more desirable potential partner.

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